Model Relationships

[On how a sane relationship might work] Well, first you would not be preoccupied by whether it was working or not. You would be preoccupied by whether or not you enjoy or crave each other's company. So, it would not be working the way a business works. That would be exactly the wrong model.

It may be in time that we come to see friendship as our best picture of a working relationship. It may be, too, that we need accept that sexual relationships are inevitably unpredictable. One would not then measure the success of a relationship by how long it lasted.

Whether a relationship works for 20 years or for 20 days is not the question. The question is, is my life better with this person? And better, in this instance, does not mean more glamorous or richer or more alluring, there is more to it than that.

[Adam Phillips]
Observer Interview