You know one thing, when I ask people: when was the last time you looked at your husband and wife, and you felt desire. And you know what they always say? Not: "When we were like this [she holds a hand up, very close to her face], staring into each other's eyes and holding hands." No.It's always: "When I saw her giving some talk or some presentation, like at work or something, and she didn't even know I was there." Or: "When he was about to go windsurfing, and he was so in his own with me or the kids."
It's when they see the distance between them, when they recognise that person as completely separate from them! That's when they felt erotic desire. And that's what you must keep in a relationship, to keep the sex.
[Esther Perel]
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